Monday, October 17, 2011

My Heart Aches Deeply for Yemen

I’m sacred to call family and friends as I see Yemen’s bloodshed intensfying like never before. I don’t want to hear bad news. I’m scared to think that at this moment, while I’m typing, a house in Sana’a could be being rocked with explosion; a house of family and friends of mine. I’m scared to think that I could have lost a loved one. So, I don't call. Hundreds houses in Yemen have already been rocked with explosion and more than 2 thousands people have already been shot dead by security forces’ savage bloody oppression. With each rocket and murder my heart aches deeply. It’s unbearable feeling I have. I feel bitterness and helpless.

As I’m being told that I’m labeled now as an “immigrant” in Sweden (But I'm a blogger in exile), I walk on streets and see Swedes walking normally and peacefully. I get confused. I feel I want to scream out loud, "HELLO! my people are being killed in my country, will you care please?!! " Then, my head gets shattered. I can't scream. No one will hear and it won't really make a difference. But secretly; I want to grap all the people's hands and tell them about the crimes against human rights in Yemen. I want to tell them; that Saleh is murdering innocent people because he adores power more than anything else. He'll kill humans or animals or whatever for him to stay in power.

Then, I realize my inner thoughts and feelings don’t match what I see outdoor. My daily activities consist of following news about Yemen, watching horrific footages from Yemen, tweeting about Yemen, blogging about Yemen, talking about Yemen with friends and at seminars, and studying at school about being an "immigrant". I have seen so much bloody clips than I could ever remember. I’m traumatized. My senses are becoming numb. I look at people on streets and I can’t help it but visualizing them without heads or their chests having bluets. It's been one week for me trying to cry really hard to let the feelings out but I'm not succeeding. I try to cry to feel better but I can't. I can't cry. I'm heavily traumatized and I really can't cry. I wish I can.

I’m worried all the time about Yemen. When I’m awake; it’s weather I’m following its news or daydreaming of how I’d like it to be. When I’m asleep, I have nightmares about explosion; blood, people dying in front of me and hearing bluets. While I’m asleep. I get so much stressed that my teeth hurts because I’d be biting so tight as I’m in pain unconsciously.

Messages and emails from people I know and I don’t know are pouring into my inboxes asking me to help them immigrate. They write to me that they can't take it anymore. I get shocked and paralyzed as I’m reading those messages. What shall I reply!! I can’t help it but get depressed because of the bleak current situation and pain people from Yemen have to endure.

Honestly, only hope that keeps me going. Only faith on my people and bright future that keeps me alive.